Reclaim the Holidays: 3 Tips to Finding More Peace and Joy
As a therapist, this time of year brings a calendar filled with people experiencing a cornucopia of emotions regarding the season, family dynamics, and their own stress levels.
All of it can be exhausting and leads many people to claim they “dread” the holidays. It doesn’t have to be that way; you can make a decision right now that this year will be different.
3 Tips to Rediscover Peace and Your Sense of Wonder:
1. Boundaries are for your own self-care, and it’s time you practice putting your own well-being ahead of others. You don’t want to attend Aunt Bessie’s chaotic Christmas showdown where your uncle gets drunk and says hurtful things he denies later?
You can say, no. It is not your job to monitor the feelings of other adults. Period. It is your job to care for your own emotional well being. If someone gets mad at you for your choice to do what’s best for your own well-being, then I’d argue they care more about themselves than you.
2. Have you ever asked yourself what you actually want to spend the holidays doing, feeling, and experiencing? If not, why? If you have, and you’re not doing it, why? Are you afraid of disappointing others, hurting people’s feelings, or making someone mad? If the answer to any of those is yes, see Step 1.
If your relationships are so fragile that not attending an event on the holidays may fracture the relationship, do you think that relationship is reciprocal? Do you feel truly seen and respected in it? Do you respect the people you are worried you will offend? If the answer to any of those is no, then I’d ask: why are their feelings and desires more important than your own?
3. I’ve seen memes going around that say something along the lines of: at some point you realize that the magic and wonder of Christmas was your mom. That may be true for those of us whose mom’s made the holidays magical. What about those of us who did not have mothers that were truly present, sober, or unconditionally loving? Does that mean wonder is impossible to experience?
I’d argue that the real sense of wonder lives within every one of us. If you get excited about the simple small gifts in everyday life, then you experience wonder all of the time! It may be a matter of reconnecting to the things that bring you joy. What made your heart sing as a child? Did you enjoy sledding, watching Home Alone, or baking cookies? We lose our sense of wonder when we say things like, “I’m too old for that” or “It’s too late for that…”.
This is your life; stop buying into an imaginary timeline or rules written by society.
I know that these are simple steps, but that doesn’t mean they are easy. I promise you, they are possible, and if you need support - I am here to help!
Wishing you the strength to choose yourself, your peace, and reclaim your sense of wonder - you deserve it!
