Practicing Gratitude Changed My Life

*Content warning: Suicide is discussed 

The last conversation I had with a depressed family friend included me sharing the experience of how a practice of gratitude changed my life at a time when I, too, was clinically depressed.

He became agitated when I talked about it, so I didn’t push the topic, and I remember hanging up from that call and saying to a mutually concerned person that I thought he was in a mental space which was incredibly painful and would be difficult to climb out of...I received the devastating news just a few weeks later.

For most of my teen years and into my early adulthood I was the one who, when greeted with “Good Morning” would often respond: ‘What’s good about it?’

I used to think of all the worst-case scenarios because then, I’d say, I couldn’t be disappointed or feel let down. I stayed up too late, and I slept in whenever possible. I felt misunderstood, lonely, and without much hope. I found myself thinking, almost daily, that I wish I didn’t have to feel sad anymore.

In the late 80’s and early 90’s my favorite teacher was Oprah Winfrey who, at the time, had a daily talk show. If I didn’t catch it live, I’m sure I recorded it on a VHS tape! (VCRs were cutting edge.) She had a guest on who wrote a book called Simple Abundance who challenged viewers to write down three things we were grateful for, every day, for one year. I bought Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book, and I completed that challenge.

My brain, and my life, were forever changed from that year forward. I became hopeful, positive, and even joyful! It sounds so simplistic, and you may be wondering; how can that be? 

There is science to back up the simple practice of gratitude. You are training your brain to look for (and find) what is going well. When your brain is in the habit of thinking of various worse-case-scenarios or lack, and you begin to consistently practice gratitude, you quite literally create new pathways of thought in your brain.

I don’t practice gratitude in a journal every day anymore, I often do it naturally without having to try, and let me be clear: that first year, I had to try hard to think of three things some days! 

When I notice myself becoming critical of everything or everyone, I turn to gratitude. When I notice I’m starting to feel more sad or hopeless, I practice gratitude. It serves as a gentle reminder that negative thinking leads to negative feelings, which leads to negative choices.

I often think of my friend, and that final conversation. I wonder if someone told him he didn’t have a reason to be sad? Had someone told him to just “suck it up” and look at all he had in life? 

If so, I can see why he may have been frustrated. I would never claim that gratitude will save us all. I would, however, claim that a regular practice of gratitude can, in fact, change your brain, and your life for the better.

I’m living proof.